Fifty One Ways To Annoy Marik
by Kohaku no Hime
Summary: Description in the title, no pairings, non-bashing. Edited 06/2012 to meet FFN guidelines.


_You've all seen this before, but in light of the recent crackdown by FFN admins I've decided to edit this series of fics so that they don't have numbers. I've also combined a couple that were similar in nature to save on space. There are some new ones in here that I've added after going over them. _

_...Yes, this author's note is the exact same one you'll now be seeing through all of the "Fifty One Ways to Annoy..." series._

_This fic is not meant to be bashing the character involved in any shape of fashion. Please don't construe this fic to mean that I dislike the character involved._

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**51 Ways to Annoy Marik:**

Get his sister on his case by telling her that he was plotting to take over the world again. Watch as she grounds him for life.

Give his cell phone number, his email address, and any personal information to the rabid fangirls (make sure that some of them are far older and ones that).

Call him 'Blondie'. Then proceed to tell him every dumb blonde joke. I suggest running after this or otherwise you'll find he sent you to the Shadow Realm.

Tie him to a chair and force him to listen to a Paris Hilton CD.

Set his alarm clock to go off at different hours of the night…or, if you _really_ want to have fun, tell him that it's daylights savings time.

Poke him at random moments and don't give him a straight answer as to why you are doing it.

Laugh at any and all evil plans he comes up with.

Buy a rubber cobra and place it on his pillow while he's asleep.

Ask him why he is a blond-haired version of Bakura. Call him a Bakura copycat repetitively.

Sabotage his motorcycle. Then claim that the Pharaoh did it out of jealousy. Again, run away before they send you to their favorite place to send people (the Shadow Realm).

Point and laugh at him whenever he passes you.

Show him this list…or, if you don't want to, show him Fanfiction. Show him the yaoi stories in particular. This is absolutely guaranteed to scar him for life; he'll never look at anyone the same again.

Smile brightly and ask him if he ever used the Millennium Rod on the Rare Hunters to make them forget he's wearing a purple shirt.

Every time he draws the Winged Dragon of Ra in a duel, tell his opponent, "You're about to get killed by an overgrown golden chicken! Run for it!" and he tries to use the Millennium Rod on you.

Dump a bucket of paint on him.

Teach him the Hamster Dance and claim that it's the most popular form of dancing. Then take him to a formal party and watch him make a fool of himself.

Shave his head—or, if you're feeling some remorse for cutting off those gorgeous locks, leave him a Rishid-style ponytail.

Tell him that, "gullible" is misspelled in the dictionary. Watch him look it up. When he finds it, tell him to look at the definition. Then make yourself scarce.

When he's asleep, put a hideously disfigured monster mask three centimeters away from his face so that when he wakes up, it's the first thing he sees.

Block his front door with every single plastic flamingo you can buy. Blackmail Kaiba into helping you (how you do that is up to you).

Laugh at him in general.

Put a thin layer of vinegar around a water glass and give it to him. Make sure to move out of the way before he sprays you.

Make a comment about how he's putting on a little weight and see if he still continues to eat regularly.

Buy him a hermit crab and claim that he's finally proved he's mature enough to care for it. Also point out that since it has armor there's no way Malik can kill it. (Note: Don't come crying to me when he smashes it with a hammer to test your claim. It's your own fault for endangering an innocent hermit crab).

Claim that you know his deepest darkest secret and that you'll post it on the internet.

Ask in an innocent tone of voice if he ever wonders what it will be like to wear a dress.

Show up in his room before he goes to bed with warm milk and a lullaby in mind to help him sleep.

Wait until he's asleep, then put a Teletubbie doll next to him and take pictures. Then give the aforementioned pictures to everyone who took him seriously. They won't after this; I guarantee it.

See how many rounds of "One Hundred Millennium Items to Hunt" he can take before he swears and tries to club you with the Millenium Rod. Claim later that song was you testing his mental endurance—and that he failed spectacularly.

Dress up as his father for Halloween and go trick or treating.

Replace all his clothes with dresses (or any other clothes that are obviously intended for a woman). Then say in a smug tone, "So that explains those weird mood swings."

Replace all his Duel Monsters cards with cleverly disguised playing cards (preferably ones with Dora the Explorer on their fronts). He'll never live down the humiliation.

Tell him he won the Internet. Don't explain that the Internet can't be privately owned.

Make him go to the psychiatrist for an hour. Lock the door.

Tell him you're leaving to see if he cries out of sheer joy. Stomp on his toe to make him tear up and then say, "The thought of me leaving has you in tears? Well then, I'll just stay here."

Ask loudly if he and Bakura ever considered joining Team Rocket. Do not explain what Team Rocket is.

Paint his finger nails (French manicure style) and see if he notices. Do this while he's asleep or he'll kill you…literally. Again, drugging his food is the best way to go.

Find out what he's allergic to, then proceed to get whatever he's allergic to in the same room as he is. Lock the door.

Tell him that his hair looks like it got caught in a lawn mower.

Scream "You dropped your wallet!" whenever he's dueling someone. Give him your best, plastic-fake, commercial, poster-boy smile and say, "Great job you did dueling today, even though you lost yet again. Oh, by the way, you dropped your wallet."

When he inevitably loses his temper and tries to attack you, sigh and say, "I always said he was insane. I've known it for years," even if you've only met him last month.


End file.
